Forgiveness– The Key to Freedom

“I can never forgive them for what they have done” - How often have we heard these words – perhaps even said them ourselves? But such an attitude can lead to bitterness, which, as we said in our last post is like drinking poison while hoping the other person will die. We also said that forgiveness is most often the antidote to the devastating consequences of bitterness. But many of us do not find forgiveness easy – especially if we have been cruelly hurt. And the truth is we are most deeply hurt by people who are or once were close to us – people we have loved and trusted. Yet forgiveness is the only option – both for our  physical health, wellbeing and growth as well as our spiritual health, wellbeing and growth.

The Bible advises us to – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4)

For the Christian the main motivation in forgiving others ought  to be the fact that we ourselves have been forgiven. This is a principal which is seen again and again throughout the Bible. But perhaps this whole issue is seen most clearly in a story Jesus told -  recorded in Matthew 18:23 – “Therefore, the Kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. 24 In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. 25 He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold—along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned—to pay the debt.26 “But the man fell down before his master and begged him, ‘Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ 27 Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.28 “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment.29 “His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. 30 But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.31 “When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. 32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ 34 Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt.35 “That’s what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.”

Our own forgiveness and our willingness to forgive others is linked together by Jesus – in a very dogmatic way. In reality the Church of Jesus Christ should be the most forgiving, generous and gracious body of people on earth – that is out calling – but sadly, so often, this is not the case. Of course Christians do not have a monopoly in the forgiveness business – because as we said last time many many people recognise the negative cost of living in bitterness. While I was preparing this post I came across a website – http://www.theforgivenessproject.com.  I would encourage you to have a look at it. It is not a Christian site – there are stores from people of all faiths and none. Of course Christian’s feature and their stories are powerful – but so are many others. There are also stories from people who can not forgive – they consider it is beyond them and perhaps we feel like that as well. But the Christian can call on extra assistance as far as forgiveness is concerned – and we will see a beautifull picture of that shortly.

But to get down to the core of this issue we need to ask, first of all what forgiveness is not!

Forgiveness is not:

1. Approval of what someone may have done to you.

2. Excusing what someone may have done to you.

3. Justifying what someone may have done you.

5. May not necessarily mean reconciliation.

6. Denying what someone may have done to you.

7. Blindness to what happened.

8. Forgetting what happened.

9. Refusing to take the wrong seriously.

10. Pretending we are not hurt.

I believe God a unique ability – and that is the ability to forget when he forgives. The apostle Paul quoting the Old Testament prophet Jeremiah says this – “I (God) will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.” (Hebrews 8:12) Unfortunately I do not have the ability to forget the wrongs that have been done to me – yet I can choose to forgive and hold no recorded of these wrongs.

So what is Forgiveness?

1. Being aware of what someone has done and still forgiving them.

2. Choosing to keep no records of wrong.

3. Refusing to punish.

4. Not spreading what they did.

5. Being merciful.

6. Graciousness.

7. It is an inner condition.

8. It is the absence of bitterness.

9. It may include forgiving God for what happened.

10.It may include forgiving ourselves for what happened.

Yet in all of this there remains the danger of what I woud term religious forgiveness. Religious forgiveness says to someone – “you have to earn my forgiveness.” That is the kind of forgiveness the Pharisees in Jesus day taught – and it is still alive and well today in the so called Christian community. But if my forgiveness of others demands that they earn it – then I seriously doubt if I know anything of the free forgiving grace of God in my own life. We need to beware of religious forgiveness!

What happens when we truly forgive?

The first thing that happens is love is free to do its work! The wise man of Proverbs says this – “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)

Here is what a life coach has written on the subject -

Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

Where do we start?

Forgiveness starts with a decision – an act of the will. We may well have to overcome our emotions! As I said already for some people the decision to forgive is driven by the realisation that their own lives are being destroyed by bitterness. But again for those who claim to be followers of Jesus – the act of forgiveness ought to be motivated by the fact that we ourselves have been totally forgiven. We are by default required to forgive others – because it is a mark of our Fathers House. But what if we cannot find the strength or motivation to forgive?

Let me finish with a story of woman who was forced to deal with this issue in a way I hope none of us ever have to. Her name was Corrie Ten Boom.Corrie was held in Ravensbruck concentration camp. She lost her freedom, her dignity, and her much loved sister and father in the span of a few months in those concentration camps. Corrie was released due to a clerical error, just one week before the other women in Ravensbruck her age were executed. “It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower room door in the processing center at Ravensbruck. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. “How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein.” he said. “To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!” His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who had preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile, I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me Your forgiveness. As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”

Steve Taylor